Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Hello world. It's like a different way of living now. Thank you world. We always knew that we'd be free somehow. In harmony, we'll show the world that we've got liberty. It's such a change, for us to live so independently. Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully. Just look around, you owe it to yourself to check it out. Can you feel a brand new day?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Year Two
Well, it's been two years since the roller coaster took off. And you know what? It's time to get off!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Girl in the Mirror
She stared at me. Her head resting on the headboard, a patient hint of a smile on her face. There was a glint of something in her eyes but I wasn't sure what.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
She was beautiful. Her hair looked like it had been coiffed by a salon professional. Her makeup was just so. Just enough to highlight her high cheekbones. A nice shade of liner to bring out the colour in her eyes. And her lips were shaded perfectly to accentuate their fullness...which was stretched just to the side by that smile.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
She looked so familiar. So common, so known. But she looked so different, so unusual, so...happy.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
I attempted to figure out what was so different about her, what was so unique, what was so...pleasing. She looked so happy! So sure of herself and so...content. She looked as if nothing could ever bother her, nothing could ever upset her balance, nothing could ever hurt her. She was fascinating.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
As she stared it started to come to me. What these facets of her were.
Beauty. Not just a nice and pleasing look to her, but an inner and outer glow that shone so bright if the rest of her were stripped away it would be blinding. She could be the girl next door or a model on a runway. Her legs were so long and shapely, toned with years of activity. Those legs led up to hips that were slender but enough to fill out her attire and a waist that brought it all back in. Her breasts were not overly large, but not small either. Long arms and hands with that face. An Amazonian woman.
But there was more...and she continued to stare.
Confidence. Not proud, not arrogant, not egotistical simply confident. Confidence in knowing who she was and what her purpose was on this Earth. Confidence in her looks in her skills and in herself. Confidence in her abilities, in her body and in her mind. Confidence.
But there was more...and she continued to stare.
Happiness. Happiness is hard to describe but one look in her eyes and you were sure of her happiness. Her eyes smiled with her mouth. Her whole face lit up with that smile. And it was clear as the most vacant crystal that she was filled with happiness.
But there was more...and she continued to stare.
Contentment. There is no question that she was content. She was not wanting for anything. Not desirous of material objects, of touch, of love, of anything. She was completely, utterly content.
She was everything I wanted to be and more. Yet she continued to stare. Into my face, into my eyes, into my soul. She stared intently, unwavering and yearningly to tell me this is it. Strip it all away Jennifer and this is it. This is what's left. This person is you. This person is me. And I finally saw with complete clarity that she was me without any masks, without any facade without any screens. She was me. The true me. Dropping all guards, dropping any and all fear of being judged, dropping all the extraneous weights the world lays on our shoulders. The girl in the mirror with all of her beauty, confidence, happiness and contentment was me.
And I stared back...as we became...one.
Hyatt Regency, Chicago, Illinois. Wednesday, February 10, 2010
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
She was beautiful. Her hair looked like it had been coiffed by a salon professional. Her makeup was just so. Just enough to highlight her high cheekbones. A nice shade of liner to bring out the colour in her eyes. And her lips were shaded perfectly to accentuate their fullness...which was stretched just to the side by that smile.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
She looked so familiar. So common, so known. But she looked so different, so unusual, so...happy.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
I attempted to figure out what was so different about her, what was so unique, what was so...pleasing. She looked so happy! So sure of herself and so...content. She looked as if nothing could ever bother her, nothing could ever upset her balance, nothing could ever hurt her. She was fascinating.
And she stared...at me, into me, through me.
As she stared it started to come to me. What these facets of her were.
Beauty. Not just a nice and pleasing look to her, but an inner and outer glow that shone so bright if the rest of her were stripped away it would be blinding. She could be the girl next door or a model on a runway. Her legs were so long and shapely, toned with years of activity. Those legs led up to hips that were slender but enough to fill out her attire and a waist that brought it all back in. Her breasts were not overly large, but not small either. Long arms and hands with that face. An Amazonian woman.
But there was more...and she continued to stare.
Confidence. Not proud, not arrogant, not egotistical simply confident. Confidence in knowing who she was and what her purpose was on this Earth. Confidence in her looks in her skills and in herself. Confidence in her abilities, in her body and in her mind. Confidence.
But there was more...and she continued to stare.
Happiness. Happiness is hard to describe but one look in her eyes and you were sure of her happiness. Her eyes smiled with her mouth. Her whole face lit up with that smile. And it was clear as the most vacant crystal that she was filled with happiness.
But there was more...and she continued to stare.
Contentment. There is no question that she was content. She was not wanting for anything. Not desirous of material objects, of touch, of love, of anything. She was completely, utterly content.
She was everything I wanted to be and more. Yet she continued to stare. Into my face, into my eyes, into my soul. She stared intently, unwavering and yearningly to tell me this is it. Strip it all away Jennifer and this is it. This is what's left. This person is you. This person is me. And I finally saw with complete clarity that she was me without any masks, without any facade without any screens. She was me. The true me. Dropping all guards, dropping any and all fear of being judged, dropping all the extraneous weights the world lays on our shoulders. The girl in the mirror with all of her beauty, confidence, happiness and contentment was me.
And I stared back...as we became...one.
Hyatt Regency, Chicago, Illinois. Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Good Samaritan?
Most of you know by now that I am a car nut. I love fast cars (and planes, and boats and motorcycles) and I drive a lot. Driving is a huge part of my job actually, and it has been for a very long time. I have also lived all over this great nation of ours and have been on many of her beautiful and some not so beautiful roads.
When you drive a lot you often see people with car troubles. I don't know about you, but I ALWAYS used to stop and offer help. It didn't matter if I was going to be late for a meeting or something I just felt the need to help them. Oftentimes I would stop and they would graciously thank me but tell me they were fine or help was on the way. But, there were many times I found myself helping to push a car out of an intersection or onto the shoulder. It always seemed the right thing to do.
One time I passed a car with 5 or 6 guys in it on a back country road. I was heading to school to teach a class in a part time program they were offering and they sincerely frown upon tardiness (yes, even if you are a teacher :)! ). But I saw these guys had a flat and they were all standing around like they didn't know what to do. So I stopped. A young woman on her own on a back country road stopping to help a car full of big burly, dirty guys. They were surprised.
I asked what happened and they told me their tire popped. I asked if they had a spare and they did. So I made sure they could fix it on their own before I left, thinking they must have just got the flat and were going to change it. They, however, rebutted that they had no jack. So I took a peek in their trunk and looked around...no jack. And no, they didn't hit me over the head with it and throw me in the trunk either. :)
I asked where they were heading and they told me Green Bay (where we lived at the time). I offered my jack to them if they would be gentlemen and drop it at my house when they were in Green Bay. I am sure you know where this is going, right? I never saw my jack again. Joe was ticked off at me and chewed me out but I still helped them didn't I?
That incident sat heavy in my heart and there were a few times in the months following it where I could have helped someone and didn't stop. Maybe I was a little angry at being taken advantage of. Maybe I was nervous at what could happen next time. Maybe I just didn't want to help anymore.
Cell phones have always played a big part in my diminishing efforts to help stranded motorists. These days i assume everyone has a cell phone and can call the nearest tow truck or service shop for help. They can probably do a better job helping than I could. but what if that person doesn't have a phone? What if it's a young woman alone on a back country road? Shouldn't I make the effort just to make sure they are ok? I don't know.
I had an opportunity this morning to help someone. He wasn't stranded on the side of the road, he was in the grocery check out line in front of me. I dropped our kids off at school and felt like making a big breakfast for myself. I've been feeling pretty good lately and just wanted a nice big plate of home fixins. So I grabbed some tomatoes (my favorite food in the world...period), bacon and even a cream filled doughnut. I made my way to the check out and only one register was open. There weren't a lot of people in the grocer this morning. So this guy was in front of me with two gallons of milk. That was it. That was all he was buying. He had a credit card or maybe a debit card and it was declined. Twice. All I had to say was, "Oh, I can get that for you." It was $6.14. Not some huge grocery bill of a couple hundred dollars. $6.14. And I didn't open my mouth. He said to the cashier, "Well then, I guess I can't get it." And without missing a beat she said ok and started voiding the sale. He walked swiftly away...to the restroom. And then she rang up my $13 of extra things I felt like having this morning while his two gallons of milk sat on the counter behind her to get put back on the shelf.
I had missed an opportunity. An opportunity to help someone. Maybe he has more money than I do, maybe he is broke. I don't know and it doesn't matter. There was a fellow person in need and I didn't speak up. I did nothing. And now, I'm just not hungry anymore.
When you drive a lot you often see people with car troubles. I don't know about you, but I ALWAYS used to stop and offer help. It didn't matter if I was going to be late for a meeting or something I just felt the need to help them. Oftentimes I would stop and they would graciously thank me but tell me they were fine or help was on the way. But, there were many times I found myself helping to push a car out of an intersection or onto the shoulder. It always seemed the right thing to do.
One time I passed a car with 5 or 6 guys in it on a back country road. I was heading to school to teach a class in a part time program they were offering and they sincerely frown upon tardiness (yes, even if you are a teacher :)! ). But I saw these guys had a flat and they were all standing around like they didn't know what to do. So I stopped. A young woman on her own on a back country road stopping to help a car full of big burly, dirty guys. They were surprised.
I asked what happened and they told me their tire popped. I asked if they had a spare and they did. So I made sure they could fix it on their own before I left, thinking they must have just got the flat and were going to change it. They, however, rebutted that they had no jack. So I took a peek in their trunk and looked around...no jack. And no, they didn't hit me over the head with it and throw me in the trunk either. :)
I asked where they were heading and they told me Green Bay (where we lived at the time). I offered my jack to them if they would be gentlemen and drop it at my house when they were in Green Bay. I am sure you know where this is going, right? I never saw my jack again. Joe was ticked off at me and chewed me out but I still helped them didn't I?
That incident sat heavy in my heart and there were a few times in the months following it where I could have helped someone and didn't stop. Maybe I was a little angry at being taken advantage of. Maybe I was nervous at what could happen next time. Maybe I just didn't want to help anymore.
Cell phones have always played a big part in my diminishing efforts to help stranded motorists. These days i assume everyone has a cell phone and can call the nearest tow truck or service shop for help. They can probably do a better job helping than I could. but what if that person doesn't have a phone? What if it's a young woman alone on a back country road? Shouldn't I make the effort just to make sure they are ok? I don't know.
I had an opportunity this morning to help someone. He wasn't stranded on the side of the road, he was in the grocery check out line in front of me. I dropped our kids off at school and felt like making a big breakfast for myself. I've been feeling pretty good lately and just wanted a nice big plate of home fixins. So I grabbed some tomatoes (my favorite food in the world...period), bacon and even a cream filled doughnut. I made my way to the check out and only one register was open. There weren't a lot of people in the grocer this morning. So this guy was in front of me with two gallons of milk. That was it. That was all he was buying. He had a credit card or maybe a debit card and it was declined. Twice. All I had to say was, "Oh, I can get that for you." It was $6.14. Not some huge grocery bill of a couple hundred dollars. $6.14. And I didn't open my mouth. He said to the cashier, "Well then, I guess I can't get it." And without missing a beat she said ok and started voiding the sale. He walked swiftly away...to the restroom. And then she rang up my $13 of extra things I felt like having this morning while his two gallons of milk sat on the counter behind her to get put back on the shelf.
I had missed an opportunity. An opportunity to help someone. Maybe he has more money than I do, maybe he is broke. I don't know and it doesn't matter. There was a fellow person in need and I didn't speak up. I did nothing. And now, I'm just not hungry anymore.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Dear God,
Thank you for music.
I don't no how many of you no this but other than my publishing company with all the cars and all the airplanes, I direct 4 choirs and lead a prays band. And music to me has to be the best source of inspiration and emotion other than the human mind.
To think that there are only so many notes that the human ear can hear. And from just those few notes so much beauty, power and inspiration can rise. Music can transport you. It can take you anywhere and lead you to anything. It can move, bend and twist your very soul. What other things does humanity offer than can give you so much in so little?
It's little wonder that the iPod has been so successful and the Walkman before that. We can bring our music with us anywhere. Our lives need soundtracks just like in musicals. Have you ever been doing something and you just want to burst out in song? If not, then you should! we do it all the time.
Like being in a movie there can be an exciting rhythmic beat when we wake up in the morning and shower, something more calm as we go to work, quiet inspirational music throughout the day, something to rock out to on the way home and love songs when we get there.
Music heals. It soothes. It sets moods. Angry, happy, sad, needy, desperate. Beauty is music.
Thank you God.
PS Thank you God for spell check!
I don't no how many of you no this but other than my publishing company with all the cars and all the airplanes, I direct 4 choirs and lead a prays band. And music to me has to be the best source of inspiration and emotion other than the human mind.
To think that there are only so many notes that the human ear can hear. And from just those few notes so much beauty, power and inspiration can rise. Music can transport you. It can take you anywhere and lead you to anything. It can move, bend and twist your very soul. What other things does humanity offer than can give you so much in so little?
It's little wonder that the iPod has been so successful and the Walkman before that. We can bring our music with us anywhere. Our lives need soundtracks just like in musicals. Have you ever been doing something and you just want to burst out in song? If not, then you should! we do it all the time.
Like being in a movie there can be an exciting rhythmic beat when we wake up in the morning and shower, something more calm as we go to work, quiet inspirational music throughout the day, something to rock out to on the way home and love songs when we get there.
Music heals. It soothes. It sets moods. Angry, happy, sad, needy, desperate. Beauty is music.
Thank you God.
PS Thank you God for spell check!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Holding the Key by Jason Gray
On the first morning I woke up as the new me I listened to this song about 50 times. Jason is a talented Christian artist from the Twin Cities and this song truly embodied how I had felt transitioning into how I knew I was now. The words are powerful, the song is even better. It's available on iTunes if you're interested (shameless plug for Jason!).
~Jennifer~
I came here tonight with a mission
To confess what I’m trying to hide
But here in the hour of decision
I’d rather give you the company line
There are secrets I don’t want to tell you
And wounds you might not want to see
But they keep me bound to my sorrow
And I really want to be free
You’re the one holding the key
You don’t have to give me answer
An answer’s the last thing I need
There’s no magical cure for this cancer
I just need you to listen to me
‘Cause you’re the one holding the key
We were made with these hearts
Meant to be open
And we locked them away
Afraid of being broken
But we’re given each other to set it free
And you’re the one holding the key
You’re the one holding the key
This dark room is perfect for hiding
But I don’t want to hide anymore
You can’t force the light here inside it
But you can help me open the door
‘Cause you’re the one holding the key
We were made with these hearts
Meant to be open
And we lock them away
Afraid of being broken
But we’re given each other to set it free
And you’re the one holding
The key to the truth of what’s really going on
Your listening ear is the grace of God
Love will take the shackles off
But you’re the one holding the key
You’re the one holding the key
We all need it sooner or later
A safe place for telling the truth
I’m happy returning the favor
‘Cause I’m holding the key for you
~Jennifer~
I came here tonight with a mission
To confess what I’m trying to hide
But here in the hour of decision
I’d rather give you the company line
There are secrets I don’t want to tell you
And wounds you might not want to see
But they keep me bound to my sorrow
And I really want to be free
You’re the one holding the key
You don’t have to give me answer
An answer’s the last thing I need
There’s no magical cure for this cancer
I just need you to listen to me
‘Cause you’re the one holding the key
We were made with these hearts
Meant to be open
And we locked them away
Afraid of being broken
But we’re given each other to set it free
And you’re the one holding the key
You’re the one holding the key
This dark room is perfect for hiding
But I don’t want to hide anymore
You can’t force the light here inside it
But you can help me open the door
‘Cause you’re the one holding the key
We were made with these hearts
Meant to be open
And we lock them away
Afraid of being broken
But we’re given each other to set it free
And you’re the one holding
The key to the truth of what’s really going on
Your listening ear is the grace of God
Love will take the shackles off
But you’re the one holding the key
You’re the one holding the key
We all need it sooner or later
A safe place for telling the truth
I’m happy returning the favor
‘Cause I’m holding the key for you
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